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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958317">Morning Mishaps</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentgrass/pseuds/violentgrass'>violentgrass</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>HisoIllu Week [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coffee, Domestic Fluff, HisoIllu Week, How Do I Tag, Kisses, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, hisoillu, hisoka and illumi are in love, hisoka gets poisoned by accident oops, just assassin things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:35:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25958317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentgrass/pseuds/violentgrass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Marriage between a murderous sadistic psychopath clown and an equally murderous assassin with a severe well of daddy issues was interesting. Especially when your husband accidentally drinks your poisoned morning coffee and you have only minutes to save him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>HisoIllu Week [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>265</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Morning Mishaps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is for HisoIllu Week Day 1!! The prompt is Married Life.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Marriage between a murderous sadistic psychopath clown and an equally murderous assassin with a severe well of daddy issues was interesting, to say the least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had already been dating for maybe a year when Hisoka asked casually, “marry me Illumi?” The latter mulled about it before saying yes, not without a condition, of course.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<ol>
<li><span> Hisoka had to take on assassination jobs for the family, like any other Zoldyck.</span></li>
<li><span> He was not allowed to try and fight other Zoldycks, no matter how powerful he thought they were.</span></li>
<li><strong> STOP TRYING TO FIGHT CHROLLO.</strong></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hisoka had hummed before nodding, although he was a little unhappy about having to give up fighting Chrollo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So they got married. Just like that. It was a simple ceremony, Kikyo cried, Silva was stoic, Milluki accidentally blasted an anime opening while they were saying their vows. Killua, Alluka and Gon attended virtually. Kalluto gave them jewellery from Egypt that was reported missing a week ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had moved in together into a house in Yorknew, a kind man decided to “give” them his house, signed all his possessions over to them before mysteriously dying. Illumi had one less needle after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had also adopted a child, Bijou, through mysterious and complicated circumstances, though this wasn’t the time to get into that, Illumi supposed, not when Bijou was about to be down a parent and Illumi about to become a single father.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Daddy going to die, Papa?” Bijou asked, swinging his feet back and forth on the counter. “If he doesn’t <em>hurry up and tell me which cup he drank from</em>, then yes he will,” Illumi said calmly. He held two vials, in his right hand, an antidote for batrachotoxin, the poison Illumi drank with his daily coffee, and in his left hand, ricin, the poison Bijou drank with his milk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hisoka’s head lay in his lap, eyes darting between his husband and child as they conversed casually about his life as if they were talking about the weather.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a little too late in life for Hisoka to start poison immunity and he supposed the day Hisoka accidentally drank one of their poisoned drinks would have come eventually. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In his lap, Hisoka let out a little heaving croak, fingers pointing aimlessly in the direction of the cups.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hisoka!” Illumi’s voice was sharp now, “did you drink from my cup or Bijou’s? Tell me! Hurry up!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hisoka!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, Hisoka come on!” He snapped, grip tightening on the vials. His husband let out a weak “Uuuhhhh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In desperation, Illumi leaned down, opening Hisoka’s mouth and pressing their lips together. Hisoka, despite being on the verge of death, miraculously responded, albeit a little weakly. In the background, Illumi could hear Bijou making fake retching sounds. They had a lot of audacity for a five-year-old.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Illumi pulled back, making a split-second decision, tossing the vial in his right hand away, pouring the ricin antidote down his husband’s throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Problem solved,” he declared, standing up, carrying his recovering husband over to the couch. “Now Bijou please pass me my coffee, I’m tired.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Papa is smart!” Bijou declared as she handed the coffee over to her father.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knew you loved me,” Hisoka croaked out, “had to give me one last kiss in case you guessed what I drank wrong and I kicked the bucket right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm,” Illumi hummed out. The truth was he had kissed Hisoka to taste what drink was in his mouth, Illumi drank his coffee with a copious amount of sugar, laced with belladonna, of course, there would have definitely been an aftertaste in Hisoka’s mouth. When his mouth hadn’t tasted sweet, Illumi figured it was Bijou’s milk Hisoka drank.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But well, as he watched his child happily babber away, drinking their ricin-laced milk and playing with their father’s hair, and his husband smiling softly and flicking out cards, to make Bijou laugh, despite his near-death experience...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t deny that he loved Hisoka.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can find me on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/lucilferism">here</a> !! Let's be mutuals &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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